Loneliness is the drug from which all other drugs obtain their architecture

I am in Lisbon for work. I have only ever been to Lisbon for work.

Work travel makes me think about loneliness. When I travel for work I usually travel alone. I do not feel lonely when I do this. There is a certain detachment to sitting by myself in the inbetween spaces. In airports or on trains I feel as if I am assigned the role observer.

So tasked, I observe dutifully. I observe as a couple argues at the ticket machine in the metro over the correct station. I observe as a mother, exhausted, places her child on the airport floor who, exhausted, stretches out in the walkway and to sleep. In my role as observer I take notes and submit findings only to myself.

My reports amount to a body of work that is only questions lacking answers. Did they choose the right fare? Would it be alright for the mother to stretch outside beside her child and sleep (if only in the lawlessness of the airport?)

When I travel alone I like to go to coffee shops. Coffee shops are a neutral place. You can come in at any time of day and sit alone. You can order just a drink and no one cares. You can read a book or work or do nothing at all. You are allowed to be alone in a coffee shop in way that you are not allowed to be alone in a bar or a restaurant or even a museum.

Now, I travel most often with my partner. Traveling with someone else introduces an accomplice. Someone who, when your arms touch in the confines of a plane seat, it is ok to lean into.

When I make observations now I covertly file them away for her review. My submissions come across her desk in the form of vignettes: did you see the way the little girl hopped in front of the man standing on his seat at the football game? The way she started jumping up down in sync with him? I wonder who they are.

To travel with someone is to have an audience to laugh at your jokes. Another person is an attestation that you, like everyone else, are a participant and not only an observer. That you, too, belong in a restaurant.